Note:

Use Back Arrow selection on Browser to return to Previous Screen

A sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked,

"Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is

doing?"

The operator said, "I can, what's the name and room number?"

The old lady in her weak voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her

nurse."

After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, "Oh, I

have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well.

Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and

her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on

Tuesday."

The old lady said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God

bless you!"

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your

daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me

shit."

New Stock Market Terms

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investment banker to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who should be now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use

The Funnies: